Happy Friday Everyone!
It has been a great week with tons of little surprises and new opportunities. I hope that your week was full of many great things as well and that your weekend continues to be inspiring.
Friday, October 5, 2012
No More Buts
Have you ever noticed how often we as a society say the word "but"? It is
just one of the small pieces of a rapidly growing negativity in our society and
one that we could all easily fix. I never paid much attention to how often I
use the word or its negative effects on my attitude and life until I was
reading my Chicken Soup for the Unsinkable Soul and came across the following
story by Robin Silverman. Though her story focuses mainly on kids, I've taken
it as my personal challenge as part of my self improvement journey to try and
use this word less (not at all if possible) in every asspect of my life and I
extend the challenge to all of you.
"And, And, And
Peeking out from the corner of my desk blotter is a note, slowly yellowing and bent from time.
It is a card from my mother, containing only four sentences, but with enough impact to change my life forever.
In it, she praises my abilities as a writer without qualification. Each sentence is filled with love, offering specific examples of what my pursuit has meant to her and my father.
The word "but" never appears on the card. However the word "and" is there almost a half dozen times.
Every time I read it- which is almost every day- I am reminded to ask myself if I am doing the same thing for my daughters. I've asked myself how many times I've "but-ed" them, and me, out of happiness.
I hate to say that it's more often than I'd like to admit.
Although our eldest daughter usually got all As on her report card, there was never a semester when at least one teacher would not suggest that she talked to much in class. I always forgot to ask them if she was making improvent in controlling her behavior, if her comments contributed to the discussion in progress or encouraged a quieter child to talk. Instead, I would come home and greet her with, "Congratulations! Your dad and I are very proud of your accomplishments, but could you try to tone it down in class?"
The same was true of our younger daughter. Like her sister, she is a lovely, bright, articulate and friendly child. She also treats the floor of her room and the bathroom as a closet, which has provoked me to say on more than one occasion, "Yes, that project is great, but clean up your room!"
I've noticed that other parents do the same thing. "Our whole family was together for Christmas, but Kyle skipped out early to play his new computer game." "The hockey team won, but Mike should have made that last goal." "Amy's the homecoming queen, but now she wants twon hundred dollars to buy a new dress and shoes."
But, but, but.
Instead, what I learned from my mother is that if you really want love to flow to your children, start thinking "and, and, and...." instead.
For example: "Our whole family was together for Christmas, and Kyle mastered his new computer game before the night was through." "The hockey team won, and Mike did his best the whole game." "Amy's the homecoming queen, and she's going to look gorgeous!."
The fact is that "but" feels bad- "and" feels good. And when it comes to our children, feeling good is definitely the way to go. When they feel good about themselves and what they're doing, they do more of it, building their self-confidence, their judgement and their harmonious connections to others. When everything they say, think or do is qualified or put down in some way, their joy sours and their anger soars.
This is not to say that children don't need or won't respond to their parents' expectations. They do and they will, regardless of whether those expectations are good or bad. When those expectations are consistently bright and positive and then are taught, modeled and expressed, amazing things happen. "I see you made a mistake. And I know you are intelligent enough to figure out what you did wrong and make a better decision next time." Or, "You've been spending hours on that project, and I'd love to have you explain it to me." Or, "We work hard for our money, and I know you can help figure out a way to pay for what you want."
It's not enough just to say we love our children. In a time when frustration has grown fierce, we can no longer afford to limit love's expression. If we want to tone down the sound of violence in our society, we're going to have to turn up the volume on noticing, praising, guiding and participation in what is right with our children.
"No more buts!" is a clarion call for joy. It's also a challenge, the opportunity fresh before us every day to put our attention on what is good and promising about our children, and to believe with all our hearts that they will eventually be able to see the same in us and the people with whom they will ultimately live, work and serve.
And if I ever forget, I have my mother's note to remind me."
"And, And, And
Peeking out from the corner of my desk blotter is a note, slowly yellowing and bent from time.
It is a card from my mother, containing only four sentences, but with enough impact to change my life forever.
In it, she praises my abilities as a writer without qualification. Each sentence is filled with love, offering specific examples of what my pursuit has meant to her and my father.
The word "but" never appears on the card. However the word "and" is there almost a half dozen times.
Every time I read it- which is almost every day- I am reminded to ask myself if I am doing the same thing for my daughters. I've asked myself how many times I've "but-ed" them, and me, out of happiness.
I hate to say that it's more often than I'd like to admit.
Although our eldest daughter usually got all As on her report card, there was never a semester when at least one teacher would not suggest that she talked to much in class. I always forgot to ask them if she was making improvent in controlling her behavior, if her comments contributed to the discussion in progress or encouraged a quieter child to talk. Instead, I would come home and greet her with, "Congratulations! Your dad and I are very proud of your accomplishments, but could you try to tone it down in class?"
The same was true of our younger daughter. Like her sister, she is a lovely, bright, articulate and friendly child. She also treats the floor of her room and the bathroom as a closet, which has provoked me to say on more than one occasion, "Yes, that project is great, but clean up your room!"
I've noticed that other parents do the same thing. "Our whole family was together for Christmas, but Kyle skipped out early to play his new computer game." "The hockey team won, but Mike should have made that last goal." "Amy's the homecoming queen, but now she wants twon hundred dollars to buy a new dress and shoes."
But, but, but.
Instead, what I learned from my mother is that if you really want love to flow to your children, start thinking "and, and, and...." instead.
For example: "Our whole family was together for Christmas, and Kyle mastered his new computer game before the night was through." "The hockey team won, and Mike did his best the whole game." "Amy's the homecoming queen, and she's going to look gorgeous!."
The fact is that "but" feels bad- "and" feels good. And when it comes to our children, feeling good is definitely the way to go. When they feel good about themselves and what they're doing, they do more of it, building their self-confidence, their judgement and their harmonious connections to others. When everything they say, think or do is qualified or put down in some way, their joy sours and their anger soars.
This is not to say that children don't need or won't respond to their parents' expectations. They do and they will, regardless of whether those expectations are good or bad. When those expectations are consistently bright and positive and then are taught, modeled and expressed, amazing things happen. "I see you made a mistake. And I know you are intelligent enough to figure out what you did wrong and make a better decision next time." Or, "You've been spending hours on that project, and I'd love to have you explain it to me." Or, "We work hard for our money, and I know you can help figure out a way to pay for what you want."
It's not enough just to say we love our children. In a time when frustration has grown fierce, we can no longer afford to limit love's expression. If we want to tone down the sound of violence in our society, we're going to have to turn up the volume on noticing, praising, guiding and participation in what is right with our children.
"No more buts!" is a clarion call for joy. It's also a challenge, the opportunity fresh before us every day to put our attention on what is good and promising about our children, and to believe with all our hearts that they will eventually be able to see the same in us and the people with whom they will ultimately live, work and serve.
And if I ever forget, I have my mother's note to remind me."
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
My Favorite Scrap Site
I love http://clubcreatingkeepsakes.com The women who frequent the site are fantastic, they are friendly, helpful and carring. I love that I can form friendships with other scrapbookers that I otherwise would never meet.
They understand when I need support or just want to share a laugh. We are a special sisterhood of wonderful women and I am thankful to be included in such a wonderful group!
They understand when I need support or just want to share a laugh. We are a special sisterhood of wonderful women and I am thankful to be included in such a wonderful group!
Life's a Journey
Life's a journey and we all know it's far from perfect so why do 90% of us only
scrapbook the good things; it's like leaving out half of the story. The bad,
scray or seemingly unimportant things are hard, challenging or mundane but they
make us who we are. A page about them shows others that we've accomplished/
overcome something and that we're not afraid of the bad days; they are just a
normal part of everyone's life!
Here is a great example of my own: the worst day of my life!
I have two dogs, they are my babies. They've been with my husband and I for nine wonderful years and each came to us when they were just little pups. I can't express how much these dogs mean to me, they are my LIFE!!
One day last June I got up in the morning did my usual stuff and let my babies outside. That early in the morning the usually stay out for awhile while the weather is cool. So a few hours later I went to let them in and came to the horrible realization that our landscapers had left the gate unlatched and my dogs had run off. They could be anywhere at this point since they'd probably gotten out hours ago. Frantic, I went to my best friends house and recruited her husband to run around the neighborhood looking for them with me.
No signs of them. I returned home and immediately called the pound hoping they'd picked them up. Luck was with me, they'd managed to grab one of them...my happy, friendly, trusting Cocker Spaniel but my baby girl had tuck-tailed and run.
I was relieved that they had Shadow but terrified that my little Coco was out in the desert mid-day in 100+ weather all alone. I couldn't help but think of every bad thing that might happen to her. I've never prayed so hard or so much in all my life. I wanted my baby safe and back home.
After hours of searching, we'd all about given up as the sun started to go down. There would be no finding her in the dark. My husband suggested that my best friend and I go down the block and see if she'd managed to make it across the busy intersection to the new shopping center.
As we cruzed along the center lane I spotted her. She looked exhausted but other wise unharmed. I completely lost it at that point thinking only of getting her safely back home. I parked the car and jumped out calling for her. Dehyrated and scared she took off running. I could have died!!! There she was so close and she was running away, I was terrified that I'd lose her again and started to chase after her. Completely abandoning my car and best friend.
I chased her for more than a mile through a deserted desert field until (thank you lord!) she ran into a chainlength fence, gave up and laied down. After several excruciating minutes of coaxing my husband and I were able to get ahold of her and carry her back home.
Even though my story has a happy ending the event itself was tramatic for me but it also taught me several very important lessons and that is why I wrote about it. I was a changed person that day and this event is what 'caused it. Losing my dogs isn't something I want to relive everyday but it's something I never want to forget.
Here is a great example of my own: the worst day of my life!
I have two dogs, they are my babies. They've been with my husband and I for nine wonderful years and each came to us when they were just little pups. I can't express how much these dogs mean to me, they are my LIFE!!
One day last June I got up in the morning did my usual stuff and let my babies outside. That early in the morning the usually stay out for awhile while the weather is cool. So a few hours later I went to let them in and came to the horrible realization that our landscapers had left the gate unlatched and my dogs had run off. They could be anywhere at this point since they'd probably gotten out hours ago. Frantic, I went to my best friends house and recruited her husband to run around the neighborhood looking for them with me.
No signs of them. I returned home and immediately called the pound hoping they'd picked them up. Luck was with me, they'd managed to grab one of them...my happy, friendly, trusting Cocker Spaniel but my baby girl had tuck-tailed and run.
I was relieved that they had Shadow but terrified that my little Coco was out in the desert mid-day in 100+ weather all alone. I couldn't help but think of every bad thing that might happen to her. I've never prayed so hard or so much in all my life. I wanted my baby safe and back home.
After hours of searching, we'd all about given up as the sun started to go down. There would be no finding her in the dark. My husband suggested that my best friend and I go down the block and see if she'd managed to make it across the busy intersection to the new shopping center.
As we cruzed along the center lane I spotted her. She looked exhausted but other wise unharmed. I completely lost it at that point thinking only of getting her safely back home. I parked the car and jumped out calling for her. Dehyrated and scared she took off running. I could have died!!! There she was so close and she was running away, I was terrified that I'd lose her again and started to chase after her. Completely abandoning my car and best friend.
I chased her for more than a mile through a deserted desert field until (thank you lord!) she ran into a chainlength fence, gave up and laied down. After several excruciating minutes of coaxing my husband and I were able to get ahold of her and carry her back home.
Even though my story has a happy ending the event itself was tramatic for me but it also taught me several very important lessons and that is why I wrote about it. I was a changed person that day and this event is what 'caused it. Losing my dogs isn't something I want to relive everyday but it's something I never want to forget.
Holiday Card Class Promotion
Michaels is offering the Vintage Holiday Card Tricks Class for just $10 (reg. $25). This great promotion runs September 30-October 27. Sign up today!!!
October Classes I Offer at Michaels
October 6, 2012
Cricut Quilted Christmas Card Tricks
9-11amVery Merry Card Tricks 11am-1pm
Classic Holiday Card Tricks 1-3pm
Punched Card Tricks 3:30-5:30pm
Vintage Holiday Card Tricks 5:30-7:30pm
October 13, 2012
Spotted Canary Scrapbook Class 9am-1pmStamping Gear 1-3pm
Tinkertime: Distress & Shimmer 3:30-5:30pm
Card Tricks 5:30-7:30pm
Cricut Test Drive 7:30-8:30pm
October 20, 2012
Spotted Canary Scrapbook Class
(part 2) 9am-1pmMartha Stewart Crafters Clay 1-3pm
Crop Night 4-8:45pm
October 27, 2012
SMASH, a class for Smash books 9-11amQuilted Christmas Off the Page 11am-1pm
Martha Stewart Punch Around the Page 1-3pm
Martha Stewart Glittering 1-3pm
For more great classes please visit http://www.michaels.com/Exciting-Classes/classes%2cdefault%2cpg.html
Nellis AFB Family Housing October Schedule
October 3, 2012
Scrapbook Course 11:30am-1pmCricut Savvy 1-2:30pm
October 10, 2012
Scrapbook Course 11:30am-1pmSpooktackular Creative Greetings 1-2:30pm
October 17, 2012
Scrapbook Course 11:30am-1pmMy Little Monster Crafty Cricut 1-2:30pm
October 24, 2012
Scrapbook Course 11:30am-1pmJack-O-Lantern Votives 1-2:30pm
3D Pumpkins 4:30-5:30pm
October 26, 2012
Croppin’
Good Time 5-9pm
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